Partners in the Dance of Addiction

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Partners in the Dance of Addiction

Does it ever feel like the patterns you have between you and your partner are just as deep as the ones you had with your addiction?

Maybe you’ve stopped using and it feels like you’re doing your part but nothing feels like it’s changing in your relationship?

This is because there is a truth about addiction that many people in close relationships with an addict find hard to face: An addiction involves the participation of others to perpetuate one person’s Cycle.

It is a Dance. And the addict has Dance-Partners.

1. It Takes Two to Tango.

In Alchemist Recovery, we use the term “Dance” and this Dance is the way you and your partner exchange defensive energies back and forth. 

These defensive energies are employed when we feel questioned, attacked or in any way feel we need to protect ourselves. These energies have very specific characteristics and are stored in the Roles that we’ve explored in earlier posts. What happens in a Dance is that your Role’s characteristics match up and link together with your partner’s Role’s characteristics according to basic and fundamental rules. 

It’s like a magnet: if one person is the positive-pushing out side, then the other person must be the negative-pulling in side. When these two link up, then boom! We’ve got a connection.  This would look like:

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2. Real Life Example

If we take this Dance into a real life example using the Roles, one common way this would appear is like this:

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3. Charting out the Dance Steps 

Charting it out, this particular Dance would look like:

  1. The Angry One sends positive, angry energy at their partner.

  2. Because the partner is a negative Yin Victim, they will receive this positive energy. In real life, this could look like The Victim relapsing once again. So of course, the Angry One has a reason to be angry and the Victim feels deserving to receive the anger.

  3. In response, the Yin Victim will send back a form of poor me energy. Which of course, the relapsing Victim has plenty of. These appear as reasons to why the relapse occurred and the proclamation of how sorry they are, etc…

  4. …Which of course just makes the Angry One even more angry, so they send back even more angry positive energy. They feel a right to do this because they went out of their way to believe them this one more time, etc..

  5. …Which of course, makes the Victim even more of a Victim. They feel even worse because now they’ve let their partner down once again and…etc.

  6. …and around and around it goes.

4. Sound Familiar?

Does this seem familiar in any way?  And while this is a gross oversimplification of the wide-ranging dynamics and complicated intricacies of a relationship, the basic energetic points are accurate.

One basic energetic point is that this pairing of Yin Yang, of positive and negative, of inflicting and receiving, is the magnetic force that holds the Dance partners together. In Alchemist Recovery, we call this pairing a Bond and it provides the structure for how the Dance is continuously played out.

5. Summary

Identifying your Bond pairing is an important step in healing your closest relationships. You can change your Dance steps! You can find out more about this throughout all of Principle 3 in the Free Trial.

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